I havent made a post in almost 10 months...weird. I really hate LJ now, so if you want to know what's going on in my life, how about contacting me in PERSON! what a weird concept

I'm taking a chance...this could be different....this could be all I'm waiting for...

at exactly 11:00 on my computer, I looked at the TV and saw Barack Obama president-elected 2008.

My heart stopped and my body filled with heat from my blood.

I haven't been this excited in...years.

Thank you, America, for taking the biggest turn in our 200+ history.

We can only progress from here.

WE DID IT!!!

we got our first batch of winter weather in the past 24 hours. you should all be jealous :)

things are going swimmingly here at ASU. i have a new love...yoga. it's getting serious. i've yet to buy a halloween costume, and it's going to start making me anxious come thursday when i actually have the time to realize this.

i'm looking into a summer or semester abroad. i never thought this was possible, but i think i could very well do it. i'm looking mainly at #1. university of iceland and #2. 3 different schools in Canada. England and Amsterdam are possibilities as well. I really want to get out to Iceland if i had the opportunity, I mean when else could one go there?!?! it's a dream of mine.

i caught up with my Finnish penpal, Suvi, today on facebook for a few hours. it was amazing. i've known this girl since i was 12 talking via emails and letters and it's just crazy how you can pick up again and be reminded of the past. I have 2 other pen pals from my preteen years. Hannah from England who I actually talk to on a regular basis, and Seha in Malaysia. I haven't spoken with her in about 4 years, and I don't actually know where she is living anymore...but none the less i will try to get up and reunite with her as well.

no news on the guy front, and i'm actually completely happy with this. after dating brian and it going nowhere for 6 weeks, i just don't have the urge to put forth the effort into a guy right now. i'm too wrapped up in ashley, which is honestly the best relationship i could be in at this point in my life. plus, i'm seeing my BEST friend since 4th grade become alienated and estranged from all her friends bc of her new boyfriend...and it just makes me sick. all my girlfriends are dominated and ruled by their boyfriends. no thank you, not for me. i want so much more.

but i really miss my best friend...


Colder weather, stronger and more independent Ashley.

Be calm, only by a calm consideration of our existence can we achieve our purpose to live together - Be calm - love me - today - yesterday - what tearful longings for you - you - you - my life - my all - farewell. Oh continue to love me - never misjudge the most faithful heart of your beloved.
ever thine
ever mine
ever ours



*here's to hoping...*

FUCK EVERYONE I KNOW!


srsly.

Greetings from the West Coast. I've been in Washington State/Seattle area since the 15th and will be here until the 22nd. Def. a city I can see myself relocating to, so job applications will be going out! I've never seen myself as a west coast gal(even though I am blonde!), but have always secretly been intruiged by Seattle. I'm going to the original Starbucks tomorrow since I am a new devout to coffee. This temperate weather and breathtaking Mt. Rainier skyline is just the perfect remedy for someone needing to get away from NC. I think I mainly dig the cosmopolitan downtown seattle part, but then being able to drive an hour and be in amazing mountains. So it's like NYC and Boone combined, therefore you can't get any better than those 2! Some cool things I've done: the first day we were here we headed up to Mt. Rainier for a looksie. This past year it got 985 inches of snow and usually by July the lower fields at Paradise(the resort area) are melted and it's grassy fields. Well there was still 5 feel of snow at Paradise when we were there, and I had on my rainbows. So we hiked around all these places and I was a retard in flip flops. It was not fun! But not too bad either bc it was warm outside so my feet were just wet, not cold. Well the next day we headed to the coast to Ocean Shores and guess what town we stopped at for food....ABERDEEN!!! In case you didn't know, that is the town Kurt Cobain was born and grew up in. The welcome sign says "Welcome to Aberdeen, Come As You Are". Literally, the most amazing thing I could probably see. I took a blurry pic.

I move into my new AMAZING apt. in Boone august 1st or 2nd. I can't even describe how excited that makes me. I think I am taking trips to NYC is August and October. DEF October at least. Since I've yet to go this year...

I've gained weight since Jekyll & Hyde was over and sometimes I could literally CRY it upsets me so much. and it doesnt help that my family points it out and calls me names. I'm really at a loss on what to do about it, so I'm hoping this 262 Dance center in Boone has adult or student classes.

I think this is the most I've written in LJ in 2008. odd. oh, and going on 8 months of no sexual action. yeah, im going crazy. but in reference to that, i think i have a slow upwards progression going with this guy who just graduated from App. i really hope so at least...

it's that inevitable stomach drop that's supposed to make this all worth it..is it? i've completely lost my appetite for one reason or another. what am i doing??

tomororw I move to Boone until the end of june. living in Highlands. I'm pretty excited, but also apprehensive about leaving this nice cushion I've been living in for 2 years. oh yeah, and my dog. I'm going to cry.

Well Jekyll & Hyde is officially over. This show has been my life for the past 3 months. I really don't know what I'm going to do with myself now...I feel lost.

If you are interested, I have pictures of it up on my facebook, let me know if we arent friends on there and I'll add you.

call me lame if you want, but I am OBSESSED with the new panic at the disco cd.

I love how I can put on a happy face and pretend like life is peachy, when I'm really falling apart in the inside.

I wish I could hate you.

I wish I could end this.

I wish this had never started.

The Format broke up.

We are getting a miniature Australian Shepherd.

I auditioned for the musical Jekyll & Hyde and got a call back.

I signed a lease to an apartment in Boone.

Lot's of things are going on.

Yeah I don't think I've posted since Thanksgiving break...I'm not terribly sure. I just haven't felt like writing in here, or even chatting much on line in the past 2 months or so. But just as a huge update in my life... I signed a lease Saturday in Boone for an apartment. So, come August 1st, I will be a resident of Apt. A1, Howard Street Apartments with my bff Ashley Benners! I can't WAIT to move in. I would tomorrow if it was up to me. It is the most amazing apartment I've ever seen, and we went and looked at about 10 of them! Everyone should be jealous :) I don't feel like talking about more stuff, so I just wanted to write down this new chapter in my life for you all to read. Hope you are doing well and enjoyed it.

Something's not right. I feel so empty and incomplete...


...and I'm not quite sure what's wrong :-\

If I fell in love with you would you promise to be true,
And help me understand?
'Cos I've been in love before, and I found that love was more,
Than just holding hands.
If I give my heart to you,
I must be sure from the very start,
That you would love me more than her.
If I trust in you, oh please,
Don't run and hide.
If I love you too, oh please don't hurt my pride like her.
'Cos I couldn't stand the pain,
And I would be sad if our new love was in vain.
So I hope you see,
That I would love to love you,
If I fell in love with you.

and I'm done with it..and you.

this is so fucking hard...

I had alot more to say, but it's all left my mind now.

...that in order to run sound, you have to be a pot smoker.

allegedly.

lol!

I mean, I'll hit the bowl occasionally, but I def don't want it to be a habit...esp. at work where I am trying to be professional.

BUT other than that, my live sound internship is going amazingly well. I have about 40 hours so far...only 120 more to go woooo!!!! Last night I practically ran the whole show from set up to tear down. But the last band played so late i almost fell asleep on the mixing console, hahah!

It makes my stomach feel sick when I think about how much I miss you. I can't stand it because I know I shouldn't. I constantly daydream about just being around you, and the last time we hung out...how perfectly amazing it was. I want to spend every waking minute with you but it's just simply impossible with you off at school. I can feel you with every gust of Fall air, in my neck veins, with every song I hear. I cannot get away from your presence.

I love you, after everything we've been through...every up and down. I want nothing more than to be in my car at night driving with you, listening to Sufjan Stevens, holding hands, knowing that we will probably never be together again, but just being physically united is so comforting. I miss the way you sing low..

I want to scream and yell and tell you everything that I feel about you, that I've always felt about you, but I know expressing my feelings will only push you away and I cannot handle you not being in my life.



"Your voice was the soundtrack of my summer"




I am a stupid idiot.